Last week was a pretty rough for me with everything that was going on with Emily. I found myself in the middle of a new "normal" and I was not happy about it. I thought if I whined and complained and stomped my feet that would make it go away. I think we can all agree that wasn't the most well thought out plan!
I am so thankful that God is faithful when I am not. When I act like a 3 year old that wants to take her toys and go home, He doesn't turn His back on me. Instead He brings me peace and comfort. He brings people into my life to encourage me and to tell me the truth that I need to hear. What a blessing! (I want to thank those that have sent emails or called to let me know that you are praying for us - I cannot tell you how much that has meant to us!)
This morning, I was reading and God brought this verse to my attention:
Isaiah 43: 1-3a
But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...
It reminded me of this verse:
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
Notice that these verses don't say IF, but they say WHEN. When we walk through the fire. When we face trials. God knows that we are going to have hard times in this life. He knows when we will receive news that we don't want to hear. He knows when we will face situations that don't turn out the way that we would like. He knows when we will be hurting and heartbroken. He knows it ALL. He may not remove those tough circumstances, but He promises to be with us through them. And God always fulfills His promises.
In the midst of my whining and complaining last week, He was gracious enough to remind me that He is in control. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to figure everything out on my own. He created Emily in His image. He knows exactly what is going on in her body and brain right now and He knows what she needs far better than I do. That doesn't mean I should just sit back and do nothing. I definitely have a part to play. I need to make appointments and get tests scheduled, but He reminded me that I cannot fix the situation on my own. He reminded me that I need to rely on Him for all that I need. He is The Provider.
At this point, we are still waiting for answers, but I feel a sense of peace in the waiting. I know that He will work out the details. I know that He will give me boldness when I need it. He will give me the questions to ask the doctors and He will give them wisdom. He will guide us to figure out the best treatment plan for Emily. She is scheduled for an EEG on Tuesday, 11/3. We then have an appointment with the nurse practitioner on 11/6. We also still have our appointment in Cincinnati in December, if we feel that we need to go that route.
She has been more like herself lately and we are so thankful. She came with us to a church business meeting last night and she was "chatting away" the whole time. She was really loud too - apparently she wanted to add her two cents to the meeting! However, there are still times when her behavior is not quite right. She also knows how to scare us. She woke up at 11 on Saturday night screaming on the top of her lungs. Mike and I bolted into the bedroom. We didn't see any movements that looked like seizures. She calmed down when Mike held her for a bit, so it could have just been a nightmare. She went back to bed and was OK until 12 when she did it again. The second time, she calmed more easily and was fine for the rest of the night. Our adrenaline was pumping though!
We trust that Emily's recent seizures are not outside of God's plan. We trust that He will fulfill His promise to be with us as we weather this storm. We trust that He already knows what Emily's future holds. We are thankful that He uses various situations to teach us and to help us to grow. We are thankful the He chooses to bless us even when we struggle with fear and doubt. What an amazing God we serve!