Some of us need to learn the hard way

You may remember this post from last March. I have always loved dogs and was very disappointed when we found out that Emily was allergic. Since then, I have thought about finding another dog that was hypoallergenic. I have kept my eye on websites that list dogs for adoption just hoping a dog would "jump out at me". When I saw Emily's letter to Santa, the desire for a dog just grew and I started looking more and more often. I just had to work on Mike. He likes big dogs and most of the hypoallergenic breeds are small. He finally gave in around Christmas time and said that we should get a dog.

Last Friday, I found a listing on the web for a labradoodle pup. I called the owner and found out that his 4 pups were going fast. Mike and I talked it over and decided to take a look at the pups on Saturday. We drove almost 2 hours away and met the owner with one of the last remaining pups. Our main concern was that Emily would not have an allergic reaction. Labradoodles are supposed to be hypoallergenic, but it depends on how they are bred. So we rubbed the puppy on Emily's face, had her lick her and we took her paw and scratched Em's hand. Then watched for a reaction. She showed no signs of an allergic reaction whatsoever. So we took the pup home and named her Daisy.

Since this came about so suddenly, we didn't have anything we needed. Mike's co-worker had a crate that we could borrow, but we still needed food, bowls, collar, leash, toys, etc. Mike went shopping while I stayed home with Emily and the dog. The puppy was terrified. She basically hid under the table or stayed in the crate most of the day. She would not come near us when we called. If we picked her up to pet her she would put her head down, tail between her legs and just tolerate it. That first night, she cried and whined and yelped for most of the night. We expected this reaction since she was taken away from her mom, the rest of her litter and was "forced" to live with complete strangers. Poor thing was traumatized! Thus began the most stressful week of our lives!

Daisy continued to be terrified of us (and any other person that came by) for the next few days. We started to wonder what had happened to her to make her so nervous around people. We don't think she was abused, but suspect that she was neglected. We think the puppies were just left in a barn and had very little human interaction. She was especially afraid of Mike so maybe a man scared her. She also hated her crate. During the day, she liked it as long as the door was open. As soon as the door closed, the high pitched barking would start (she sounded like she was being beaten). This terrified Emily and she began to cry which scared the dog even more.

This scenario continued for a few days. She would cry the better part of the night. During the day, she would get herself into trouble more times than I can count. When I was feeding or taking care of Emily, the puppy would be chewing table legs or computer cords or anything else that happened to be in reach. She also had various accidents in the house. I wanted to put her in her crate during those times, but the high pitched barking made that impossible. Emily doesn't really feel like eating when she is crying hysterically (it is also impossible to do a tube feeding because crying makes her stomach tight and the formula won't go down). So, Daisy had way more freedom that she should. We shut the bedroom doors, but our kitchen, dining room and living room are one big room and she could easily get out of sight. We tried blocking her in the kitchen and that brought on the high pitched barking, which made Emily cry - so clearly that was not an option.

I was on edge from morning until night. I was sleep deprived and totally stressed out. It all came to a head on Tuesday afternoon when I laid on the floor and cried my eyes out. I was completely overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. I felt like I had been neglecting Emily because Daisy took so much of my time and attention. I had sent her to school that morning and forgot to pack her medication and her Gloworm (we never go anywhere without Gloworm!). I also felt like I was failing to set appropriate boundaries for Daisy. It wasn't fair to either of them.

Mike and I talked it over and decided that we needed to find Daisy a new home. It broke my heart to even think it, but I also knew that it was the right thing to do. A puppy was not a good fit for our family. We just didn't have the time and energy needed to raise a puppy. Maybe things would have worked out better if we got an older dog. Who knows! The bottom line was that we wanted what was best for Daisy and for Emily and our family. That meant we had to find someone else to take her. I wanted to move quickly before I got too attached to her (and before I went completely insane).

We listed her on the web and got TONS of calls and emails about her. We were hopeful that we would be able to find the right place for her. A friend talked to a co-worker and he was very interested. He has a dog and wanted a buddy for him. I thought Daisy would love having another dog to hang out with and knew enough about this family to feel confident that she would be well cared for. So we met Thursday afternoon. The whole meeting took about 10 minutes total. The dogs seemed to like each other. Daisy was nervous at first, but then tried to play with the other dog. She seemed really excited about him. The couple gave me a check, put both dogs in the car and off they went.

I proceeded to cry all the way home (we met at a rest stop on the highway). Daisy had really started to come out of her shell. She had become very playful and friendly. She would come when I called and even bark at me if I wasn't paying enough attention to her. She even started to warm up to Mike. I know that we made the right decision in giving her away, but it was still hard. I really do love dogs and giving Daisy away brought back some memories of giving away our dog before we moved to Kentucky (the hardest thing I ever did before Emily was born!). Just because a decision is right, that doesn't make it easy!

Mike and I have learned the hard way that we are not ready for a dog at this point in our lives. Maybe in a few years, we can think about bringing home a dog (not a puppy, but a dog). In the meantime, I think we would all really enjoy a fish for a pet.

Merry Christmas

Luke 2
The Birth of Jesus
¹In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.
²(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.)
³And everyone went to their own town to register.
⁴So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.
⁵He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.
⁶While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born,
⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
⁸And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.
⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.
¹⁰But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.
¹¹Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.
¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.
¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child,
¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.
¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

She's a girl that knows what she wants

I have mentioned before that Emily had an evaluation for a communication device. We decided to go with the ECO2. Well, our primary insurance has approved the device, but our secondary insurance is giving us some issues. So we aren't sure how long it will take to clear up the issues and get the device. In the meantime, I am so thankful that Emily gets to use a device during her therapeutic preschool program at Children's.

She has done really well with the device and gets very excited when it is her turn to use it. The kids went trick or treating at Halloween and she used the device to say "Trick or Treat, Smell my feet, Give me something good to eat". She did it in the correct order and with perfect timing every time. I am guessing that the doctors and nurses laughed whenever she did it and that is all the encouragement she needed.

For Christmas, all the kids got to use the device to write letters to Santa. Here is Emily's:
We don't actually "do" Santa in our house. We have always thought it was more important to teach Emily about the real meaning of Christmas (the birth of Jesus). We just didn't want her to be completely focused on getting gifts (she does get gifts, but we have always kept it low key). We do not think Santa is evil or anything, we just didn't feel like it fit in with the things we are trying to teach Emily about the holiday. Since Santa would be a topic that came up a lot at school and therapy, we have talked about it with her, but haven't made a big deal out of it. We have just made sure that our focus at home is on Jesus' birthday.

The teacher told me that Emily was very quick about putting her letter together (the kids were given options for each part of the letter so they had to make choices). Guess she knew exactly what she wanted to say. Emily is the only girl in her class and she was the only one to say that she was good. All the boys said they were bad boys in their letters, but still made a list of gifts that they wanted. I could not help but laugh about this. I am not surprised that Emily thinks she is a good girl. She does think pretty highly of herself! I have no idea why the boys all said they were bad - maybe they thought it was funny.

For the list of gifts, I was really surprised by one of the options she chose. Emily loves books and loves watching DVD's so I was not surprised by those items on the list. A toy is not very surprising either, but I was shocked that it said a pet. I am not sure what she has in mind. We may need to get her a fish. I would love to get a dog, but since she is allergic, that limits our options considerably. Mike isn't thrilled about getting any of the breeds that are considered hypoallergenic because they are not "manly". We are going to keep working on him. I cannot imagine how excited she must have been to have the opportunity to express herself. For the past 4 years, she has received gifts that we think she would like or need. I bet she was thrilled to say "this is what I want!".

Emily was also able to use the communication device to do some shopping for us. They set up a Santa Shop and the kids were able to go through and pick out something for each parent. I was told that Emily's eyes were as big as saucers when she went into the "shop". She was so excited to see everything - guess my girl likes shopping! The therapists gave Emily 3 options for each of us and allowed her to choose by selecting "I do not want" or "I want" on the communication device. The teacher told me that Emily was very quick and determined as she made her choices. I could not wait to see what she picked for us. I was very curious to see what she thought we would like.

Yesterday we picked up our gifts:
Both items were in one bag so Mike and I were joking about which gift was which. I have no doubt that the candy is for Mike. He is the one that usually lets her taste sweet stuff like ice cream, cool whip/whipped cream, pudding, etc. And the picture frame for me makes perfect sense since I am always taking her picture. The fact that she was able to make these choices for us, makes the gift so much more meaningful! It really didn't matter what she picked for me - I am just excited that she has the opportunity to use this wonderful device and let her voice be heard.

The therapeutic preschool program at Children's is AMAZING! I am so thankful that Emily gets to participate. She learns so much! She is stretched and challenged and has grown tremendously. I am frustrated with our insurance situation because I am anxious for Emily to have her own device, but I am so grateful that she gets to continue to practice while we are waiting. What a blessing it will be for Emily to finally get her own device so she can speak her mind. She is a strong opinionated girl and I have no doubt she has some things to share with us!

A plague on just our house

Have you ever been somewhere and felt like you were being followed? It is an eerie feeling. Well, lately, I feel like germs are following us everywhere we go. I am starting to feel like our house is a breeding ground for germs. With that in mind, wouldn't you like to receive some homemade cookies from us? :)

According to the calendar, winter hasn't started yet, but this has officially been the sickest winter ever! Emily has had more colds this year then she has ever had in previous years. I realize that being in school exposes her to more germs, but this is her second year in school. Shouldn't she be building up a tolerance by now? I also know that she is exposed to germs at the therapeutic preschool program at Childrens. But again, this is her second year. I expected lots of sickness last year and we did have our share, but this year has far surpassed it already.

I am thankful that she just seems to be dealing with colds and not something more serious. I just want the poor kid to get a break. When she gets a cold, it tends to hit her pretty hard. It takes her a while to work through the congestion, so even when she starts to feel better, she still sounds terrible for a while. It just breaks my heart. I feel like I have tried everything I can think to try and I just cannot seem to keep her healthy for a long stretch.

In the middle of September, she had a cold and missed a week of school and therapy (plus an extra day because of a crazy rash).

In the beginning of November, she had another cold and missed a week of school and therapy (plus an extra day because she had a rough night of sleep and was miserable the next day).

In the beginning of December, she had yet another cold and missed a day of school and two days of therapy.

This week, she missed a day of school and a day of therapy with, you guessed it, a cold!

Seriously!?!

There have been periods in between where she didn't have a cold, but she just wasn't herself. She has been very moody and jumpy and we just couldn't put our finger on what was going on. We have seen a few seizures as well. At the end of October, beginning of November, she had 3 in one week that lasted longer than her usual 1 minute. So her seizure meds were increased yet again (that is the 4th time this year). Unfortunately, she had another one at therapy last week and may have had one at home the other day (sometimes it is hard to tell). It has just been frustrating. If I am being completely honest, I will tell you that it makes me feel like I am failing as a parent because I cannot keep my child healthy. I know that is an irrational thought, but Mommy guilt isn't exactly rational, is it?

For Christmas, do you think I could get her a bubble? That may be the only way to keep her germ free for the rest of the winter!

Four Year Checkup

Emily had her four year checkup recently. This was our first well visit with the new pediatrician. I was curious to see how the pediatrician would handle my concerns about some of the immunizations that Emily was supposed to get. So far everyone at this practice has been great, but when it comes to immunizations, you just never know how a doctor will react. I wasn't sure if I was in for a fight.

Emily was supposed to get 4 immunizations: Varicella, DTaP, MMR and IPV. My concern with the immunizations stems back to the last time she got these 4 at once. She got a really bad rash and had a pretty rough time for about 2 weeks afterwards. I think the main culprit was Varicella, but since she got all 4 at once, it is hard to be certain. My other concern was about the DTaP vaccine. Emily has never received the full vaccine. Her old pediatrician and I originally had concerns about the Pertussis component causing seizures for her and didn't want to take that risk. So she has always received DT and I wanted to make sure the new pediatrician was aware of that.

The appointment didn't start out great. The nurse didn't quite know what to do with us. When she called our name and we came around the corner, she looked at Emily like "how on earth am I going to do this?". As she walked us to our room, she kept looking back at Emily with a very confused look on her face. It really warms a Mom's heart to have someone look at your child like that. We got to the room and she asked if Emily could stand at all. I told her No and she said she wasn't sure how to get her weight and height. She said she would check with the doctor. She asked a bunch of family history questions and then started to leave, but then said "Oh, well I guess I can take her blood pressure". Don't get me wrong, she wasn't mean in any way. She just seemed thoroughly confused. I am guessing that she has a routine for these appointments and we just didn't fit into the usual mold. She just didn't seem to know what to do with herself.

The doctor came in and started gushing over Emily (doesn't every Mom love when that happens?). He could not believe how much she had grown and said she looked great. He talked about all of the other appointments we have had and asked how things were going. He asked how Emily usually gets weighed at Children's. I told him they have a scale that allows us to push her wheelchair on it. He thought that was pretty cool, but of course they don't have one in his office. So he said you must weigh yourself and then hold her and subtract your weight to get hers. Exactly! He did his exam first. He was so good about working around Emily. He did a few things in her chair, then listened to her back when I was holding her and then finished his exam with her laying on the table. When it was time to get weighed, he asked if Emily would mind if he held her. I said no, figuring he would hold her while I weighed myself. I was wrong. He said that he would weigh himself and then the two of them together. I would have never expected that. That act alone would give him a doctor of the year award in my book!

We talked about the immunizations and I told him about the concerns that I had. When I told him about Emily's previous reaction, he said it sounded like a reaction to Varicella. He was really good about the whole thing. He was willing to do just one vaccine that day if that made me feel comfortable. His office did not have the DT vaccination, so we were definitely going to skip that one. As for Varicella, he said we could do some bloodwork to determine if Emily had the antibodies in her system. He said a certain percentage of people have the antibodies after the first vaccination. If Emily was one of them, we would not have to do a repeat shot. I was all for that! So we just did MMR and IPV. Emily was such a trooper about the whole thing. She jumped when she got stuck with the needles, but that was it. She didn't cry at all. She is so strong!

The other thing the doctor asked about was a flu vaccine. I told him that Emily received the shot last year and then had a seizure for the first time in a year. So I had my reservations about repeating that vaccine. Since Emily has a seizure disorder, he didn't really seem concerned that the two were connected, but he also didn't make me feel like a crazy, paranoid mom, so I appreciated that. He said that she was definitely in a high risk group and her exposure to other kids didn't help matters. So he recommended that I get the shot. He didn't push the situation, but he wanted to make sure I understand his concerns. I told him that I would get the same "lecture" at an appointment coming up next month and that his concerns were duly noted. He seemed satisfied with that.

Emily was weighed and measured while we were there. I am not sure the measurements are entirely accurate, but they are close enough. She weighed 38 lbs (73rd percentile) and measured 42.5 inches (94th percentile). No wonder most people think I am lying when I say that she is only 4! We did also get the results of the bloodwork. Emily does show the Varicella antibodies in her system, so she does not have to get a second shot. As for the DT vaccine, we have to go to the health department for that. He told me to wait at least 4 weeks to do that. I had to give a new immunization certificate to her school and figured I would get some questions about the 2 we skipped, but so far, no one has voiced any concerns. I am just thankful that our girl continues to grow and thrive.

Here is a video of Emily giggling on her birthday. She has a very ticklish back and seems to get "paralyzed" with her arms like you see here. It is pretty comical. Enjoy!

Fourth Birthday Pics

As luck would have it, Emily had the day off school on her birthday. So we started our day in the usual way - Emily spent some time in her stander. She didn't seem to mind. I thought it would be fun to go to the aquarium. She used to love the aquarium, but that all changed (wish I could tell you exactly when). She now struggles with the noise level in the aquarium. I think she is just on sensory overload. So I thought if we went early and went through the exhibits backwards that might help. I was wrong. Here she is in the shark tunnel. This used to be her absolutely favorite exhibit, but as you can tell from this pic, the novelty has worn off. I was very aware of the sounds in the aquarium that day. They play music in every section and it is pretty loud. Add to that the children that are rushing through the place yelling out in excitement about all of the creatures and Emily gets increasingly tense as time wears on. So we ended up going through the entire aquarium in about 30 minutes. After that, we went for a walk by the river and went to the bookstore to read some books. Emily enjoyed both of those activities, so I think we were able to wipe away the trauma of the aquarium rather quickly.

The rest of the day was pretty mellow. We watched some of her favorite videos and she enjoyed her 2 naps (as usual). After Mike got home from work, we went for a nice walk. The weather was gorgeous and the trees were beautiful. Then we headed home for our traditional birthday celebration.
Looking at this picture makes me want to pull out the first birthday picture of her in a similar position. She is still cute as ever, but she is growing up! Emily still loves the frosting! She worked very hard to get her tongue out to lick it off. She also ate a couple of small bites of the cupcake, but as you can see from these pictures, she is MUCH more interested in the frosting.


She was very interested in hearing Dad read her birthday card to her. I think Dad could read her the phone book and she would still be enthralled.
She got some new DVD's for her birthday and she seemed happy about that.
Of course, we have to include our traditional video. Emily is less and less impressed with our singing as each year passes, but she is just going to have to put up with that for...oh, the rest of her life!


Just one disclaimer...She puts her head down at one point and it looks like she could set her hair on fire. That is a bit of an optical illusion - the cupcake is much farther away from her than it appears in this video.

So very thankful

Emily,

Today you are 4 years old. I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed. I remember the excitement I felt when I found out that I was pregnant. It was a long awaited answer to prayer. I loved to feel you kicking and moving. I wasn't so excited about the fact that you like to keep your foot in my ribs at all times, but you were so tall and had no where else to go. You had the hiccups a lot (and still do, as a matter of fact). I remember the last ultrasound before you were born. The tech got a really good shot of your foot (in my ribs, as always). I thought "wow that is a big foot!". And I remember seeing your long hair moving in the amniotic fluid. We suspected that you were a girl, but we didn't know for sure.

Your birth was a bit unexpected. Dad and I were convinced that you would arrive late, so we were a little unprepared when my labor started 2 days before your due date. You really do like to keep us on our toes! The labor was long and hard, but when I got to hold you in my arms I knew that it was all worth it. You had dark spiky hair and you were very chubby (with big feet, I might add). You had a rough start in this world, but you showed us right from the start that you were strong and determined. Those traits have continued to serve you well as you have gotten older.

We have loved watching you grow and learn new things. It brings us such joy to see you discover something new. Seeing the world through your eyes has taught us SO much, that I am not sure I could ever put it into words. You face each day with excitement and enthusiasm, as if you cannot wait to see what the day holds. You take such joy in the simple things of life. You love to be around people and if you can be the center of attention, even better! You seem to see the best in people even if they are doctors or therapists who make you do things you aren't happy about.

This past year has brought many changes in your life. The biggest change: you started school! I was nervous about that because it is hard to see my baby grow up. You weren't nervous at all! You had a good start last year, but this year has been even better. You started riding the bus (we won't talk about how hard that was for me). You get SO excited about going to school each day. It makes me so happy that you are having fun at school and look forward to going. You have not hesitated to try new things like, pulling seeds out of a pumpkin, tasting lemonade and popsicles, playing musical chairs and of course, riding the bus. You have also met lots of new people and in your true social butterfly fashion - you have happily befriended them all.

You also started therapeutic preschool this year. That program has helped you to grow in ways that I never would have imagined. The biggest change: you have figured out that you have a voice! It has been wonderful to see you find new ways to express yourself. We have found that you can be very opinionated! This shouldn't surprise us, but it has been an adjustment, at times. We cannot wait for you to get your own communication device (and hopefully that will happen in the coming year). We know that you have a LOT to say and we are anxious to hear it! It has also been so fun to watch you try new things with your body. You got to ride a bike this year, walk on a treadmill, use a gait trainer and use a power wheelchair. You haven't always been happy about these new things, but we know that you have grown tremendously because of them.

Today, as we will celebrate you turning four, I cannot help but think back to where we have been. I also look forward a bit to dream about what lies ahead. Just know that no matter what the future holds, we will be with you every step of the way. We love you and we are so proud of you. You are a beautiful girl, inside and out. We count it a privilege to be your parents and hope that we teach you half of what you have taught us. You have blessed us beyond measure. We thank God for you each and every day.

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby girl.